Hi my name is Kelly Ayala and I’ve been learning and practicing therapy for the last 20 years. Although, it just might be safe to say I’ve been doing this my whole life. I’m the eldest daughter of a mixed race family, who did the best they could to give my sister and I the life they never had. Along the way I picked up some anxiety and attachment issues, but the good news is I decided to take the step to care for myself and improve my mental health. Steps I now hope to pass onto you.

The reality of relationships is that we will hurt in them. We will be betrayed, unloved, rejected, experience loss and face the reality of helplessness. We work so hard to minimize the impacts of relational injury, but its not a matter of if but when. I know this sounds bleak but the sooner we can face this tender truth the sooner we can learn how to help ourselves in the face of relationship hurt.

Setting boundaries is essential to the healing process. It defines our space from others and gives a container to really hear our needs, wants and desires. If boundaries are so helpful then why are they so hard to maintain? Success with your personal boundaries often mean failure in another realm. The real question becomes can you be ok with failing?

What is complex trauma? Over the course of life we go through a series of ups and downs (to put it lightly). Some of those experiences leave a mark on our nervous system and we make accommodations to live along side this pain. When these accommodations become intrusive to secure relationships, self acceptance and overall life satisfaction we might consider it to be the impacts of complex trauma. Complex trauma is not necessarily what happened to you but the mark it left behind.